QuakeCon Mariachi Meltdown: Guitarrón Sparks Full Evacuation

Horsebyte here, reporting live from an undisclosed spot behind a vending machine full of expired BAWLS cans. Chaos erupted at QuakeCon’s BYOC hall yesterday when a local mariachi band, hired for a private birthday serenade, accidentally entered the LAN area instead of the banquet room.

Security camera footage shows the band—decked in embroidered suits, sombreros, and carrying instruments—walking through the crowded aisles. Within seconds, a gamer yelled, “They’ve got heavy hardware!” referring to the band’s guitarrón. Misinterpreting it as “heavy weapon,” security initiated full evacuation protocol.

“I’ve seen people rage quit, but I’ve never seen an entire building rage quit,” said Doug “PacketLoss” Henders, Lead Cable Wrangler for the event.

QuakeCon security chief Marla Torres defended the response: “In my defense, I’ve never seen a guitarrón in person. It looked… tactical.”

The mariachi band, Los Píngüinos de la Latencia, expressed confusion. “We thought the crowd was really into it,” said bandleader Jorge Escobar. “They started running, so we played faster.”

LAN operations resumed two hours later, but the incident has already been dubbed “The Great Guitarrón Panic” in Discord memes.