After a small electric fire erupted in the BYOC, QuakeCon and Gaylord staff were puzzled to find that the sprinkler system had been altered to release pure BAWLS Guarana instead of water.
Local authorities are now seeking any information that may lead them to the memelord responsible.
“This is no laughing matter,” a local Grapevine Sheriff stated shortly after laughing at the word “BAWLS.”
QuakeCon attendance has risen exponentially over the past few years, however that rising statistic seems to be attributed to the flock of earthquake enthusiasts who descend on QuakeCon only to leave dissapointed.
When interviewed, traveling Idaho man said “I love Earthquakes! They’re a way of life! This so called QuakeCon is a lie and cheat! I think I speak for my fellow Quaker Boyz when I say we’ve been tricked, backstabbed. and quite possibly, BAMBOOZLED!”
After another successful QuakeCon, local man was witnessed asking for registration details for next year’s event just one hour after the conclusion of the prior event. In unrelated news, QuakeCon staff break world record for longest sigh and loudest facepalm.
Parched gamers thrilled to discover that water fountains across the world have been replaced to dispense BAWLS Guarana instead of water. Is this the key to finally achieving world peace? Is the world healing? Steven from Texas believes so. “Life was hard. I found myself struggling to stay awake day to day. I was struggling with depression. I didn’t see an end to my misery. Then I used the water fountain at my local movie theater and immediately knew every little thing was gonna be alright. The fuel of BAWLS flows through me every day now!” Now everyone can feel the power of BAWLS inside them.
Want to game, where to go? Brave the heat for just one week Towing gear up the hill, suddenly you’re standing still Your friends are there, crank up the subs, as the frags go pow, pow, pow But there’s one thing, everyone knows… This is QuakeCon!
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! This is QuakeCon! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! This is QuakeCon! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! This is QuakeCon! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! This is QuakeCon!
Demon spawn, filled with lead, saving friends from the undead Take a break from the kill, suddenly you’re standing still
Your fur is brown, so beautiful, like an angel in disguise But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by mo-o-o-o-orse, mo-o-o-o-orse, mo-o-o-o-orse? How will you speak to that h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse? This is QuakeCon!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! This is QuakeCon! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! This is QuakeCon! A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee! This is QuakeCon! A-oo-oo-oo-ooo! Woo-oo-oo-ooo! This is QuakeCon!
The secret of the con, ancient mystery Lost inside the crowd, I know you\’re hiding What if you’re crowned? Will we ever know? Will always be a mystery what do you say?
QuakeCon is the answer, we’d live here if we could What if you’re crowned? Will we ever know? I want to, I want to, I want to know!
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