Gaylord Texan Kicks Out Gamers to Build Mega-Suite for Tim Willits’ “Ultimate LAN Suite”

In an unprecedented QuakeCon power move, former id Software legend Tim Willits has successfully commandeered a section of the Gaylord Texan Resort, demanding the hotel combine 20 adjacent rooms into what he calls the “Ultimate LAN Suite.”

Witnesses report seeing construction crews removing drywall late into the night, guided by a blueprint sketched in napkin ink and Dorito dust. The conversion displaced dozens of QuakeCon attendees, who were hastily rebooked in surrounding motels, Airbnbs, and in one case, a Bass Pro Shops parking lot.

“This is QuakeCon, not a Marriott,” Willits reportedly declared while pointing at a contractor and an exposed support beam. “I don’t want a suite. I want a zone. A frag-ready habitat.”

Hotel staff say the request was originally denied until Willits offered an autographed Quake III box and a pair of original Doom socks. That sealed the deal.

“We tried to say no,” admitted Gaylord facilities manager Karen Boltzmann, “but then he muttered something about a rocket jump through the boardroom wall and we just started demolition.”

Displaced attendees received meal vouchers, free LAN passes, and a commemorative “I Survived Willits’ LANlord Arc” t-shirt. One affected gamer said, “Honestly, this is the most QuakeCon thing that could happen. I respect it.”