QuakeCon Adds Shower Zones to Decontaminate Gamers Before Entry

In a bold move to address long-standing olfactory issues at QuakeCon, organizers have installed industrial-grade sanitation shower zones just before the convention’s main entry points—right alongside newly upgraded metal detectors.

“The goal is simple,” said Sharon Brillstein, QUAKECON’s Director of Hygiene & Homeland Security. “If you can’t pass a sniff test, you’re not passing security.”

The showers—affectionately dubbed “Funk-Free Zones”—douse attendees with a lavender-scented cleansing mist while a sensor determines whether any deodorant has been applied in the past 24 hours. Failing to meet the minimum freshness threshold will trigger a second, more aggressive rinse known internally as the “Gamer Pressure Wash.”

QNN’s reporter, the notorious orange-suited horse, managed to bypass the line entirely by pretending to be a service animal. “I made it through untouched. I think they assumed I was someone’s emotional support stallion,” He neighed while smoking a menthol behind the VIP showers.

Not all attendees are thrilled. “I was halfway through my fourth Red Bull and suddenly I was naked and lemon-scented,” said Lance “PwnDaddy69” Reynolds, who’s attended 17 consecutive QuakeCons and hasn’t owned body wash since 2008.

Meanwhile, metal detectors remain in place to ensure no one sneaks in a mouse heavier than regulation weight or a suspiciously modded mechanical keyboard.